THE HALLAM BRATS

2008-11-10T17:18:00.001-08:00

LILLY JENSON
FRIDAY, 31ST OCTOBER 2008
17:17
LJ on ... Camps the bestest

I wish Camps would stop laughing every time she opens the door to Eoghain!!! He's called around three times in as many hours and Camps finds it absolutely hilarious... and he doesn't even realise she's laughing at him............

2008-11-10T17:17:00.001-08:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
FRIDAY, 31ST OCTOBER 2008
17:15
UNTITLED

whats next from eoghain..... a fucking marriage proposal??!?!!

2008-11-10T17:14:00.002-08:00

OLIVER MOORE
FRIDAY, 31ST OCTOBER 2008
17:00
weirdo

Okay so that Eoghain bloke has called up three times... in the last three hours... from outside to come and give flowers and costume pieces and shit to Lilly.

Weirdo.

2008-11-10T17:14:00.001-08:00

JOSH BAKER
FRIDAY, 31ST OCTOBER 2008
15:38
back...

I'm back in dreary Hallam and the guys all welcomed me with big man-hugs, three crates of beer and six halloween costumes for tonight. It's pretty great of them, and I didn't feel up to going out at first but I think after a couple of beer I might feel a bit better. They're all trying to keep off the subject of my Mum, and they're all been great, I really appreciate it.

I walked past Lilly's halls of residence earlier and saw Eoghain walking in with a bunch of flowers. I felt shit about it until I got home and mentioned it to the guys and they said he's a bit of a weirdo and is far more into Lilly than she is into him. He took her on a date to her Mum's restaurant last night, which was pretty awkward for her so they've heard. Oh and it went absolutely shit, which pretty much put a smile on myself.

So now I've settled in I'm gonna relax with the guys for a bit and see what I feel up to later.

2008-11-10T17:09:00.001-08:00

SUMMER FRANCIS-SMITH
FRIDAY, 31ST OCTOBER 2008
12:04
UNTITLED

I am going to this party tonight if it's the last thing I do!!

Watch out, SFS's crew about!!!

xxx

2008-11-10T17:07:00.000-08:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
FRIDAY, 31ST OCTOBER 2008
10:31
UNTITLED

hahahahahahahahha!!!!! (sorry lil!)

but it was soooooooo funny when lil told me the story of her date last night!!!! it was a disaster!!!!!

tonight is going to be fun!!!!!!!!

hahahahahahahahha!!!!! (sorry lil!)

xoxoxoxoxoxo

2008-11-10T17:05:00.000-08:00

LILLY JENSON
THURSDAY, 30TH OCTOBER 2008
23:57
LJ on ... having some explaining to do

I can't believe how bad tonight has been! I'm so frustrated! Everything was going good, Eoghain told me to dress up because he was taking me for quite a drive to somewhere really special, so I put one of my best dinner dresses on and he picked me up at six sharp and he looked really nice... and he drove... and drove... and drove...

...and ended up at my Mum's restaurant.

I couldn't believe it!

I asked him why we were here, trying my hardest not to be shocked, and he was so pleased with himself for finding out that it was my Mum's restaurant and he thought I would be so pleased, as if I hadn't ever eaten in there before...

So I walk in and Mum had decided to spend that night overlooking the restaurant - I've never felt so awkward in my whole life. Her eyes were questioning me every time she looked over, and I felt so embarrassed with Eoghain insisted on introducing himself to her. I could tell straight away that she doesn't like him. When Eoghain went to the toilets Mum came straight over and asked me what I was doing here with Eoghain when I should be with Josh at this very difficult time. So then I had to give Mum a condensed 10-second explanation on why me and Josh weren't exactly talking, leaving out all of the details. Mum was really great after that and said we'd talk about it more later, and that hopefully things will sort out between us. But just before Eoghain returned to our table she said, 'in the meantime you shouldn't date this dim young boy to make you realise how much you love Josh'.

Grrr. I hate how Mums know it all!!!

So anyway I insisted to Eoghain that I had to go home because I had an important meeting tomorrow morning. He drove us home, mentioning a million times how disappointed he was that the date couldn't last longer. He kissed me at the end of the night.

And that was that.

2008-11-10T16:50:00.000-08:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
THURSDAY, 30TH OCTOBER 2008
15:47
UNTITLED

me and lil have been working on our halloween costumes all day for eoghains party and we look soooo cool!!! lil especially shes a cat and she looks hot!!!!!! im gonna be a dead version of lil bo peep fun times!!!!! jordon said he might return with josh for the weekend and so they might pop into the party to take their minds off things although i dont think josh will want to stay when he sees eoghain cosying up to our lil!!! we didnt think its a good idea to tell lil that josh is coming back so im not going to he probs wont come to the party and they probs wont bump into each other all weekend anyways!!

talking of eoghain i cant believe hes taking lil out again tonight!!!!!! to somewhere really fancy apparently!!!! but with tomorrows party aswell that means hes had her 3 nights this week!!!! which is far too eager even for my liking!!!! i hope she has a great night but grrrr i hope he does something wrong and lil realises how much she likes josh!!! grrrrr

xoxoxoxo

2008-11-10T16:45:00.001-08:00

JOSH BAKER
THURSDAY, 30TH OCTOBER 2008
04:28
...

Everything's pretty much settled down a little bit and things are a bit calmer. Mum's trying to be strong for Mikey and Dad's trying to be strong for Mum and... I'm just trying to support them as much as I can and make sure all the day to day stuff is sorted.

Journalist's have been ringing and there's been so many cards and flowers delivered, loads of our close friends have been around the house giving support and it's been a bit overwhelming for everyone.

Dad thinks that I should return home tomorrow and catch up with my essays over the weekend before uni starts again on Monday. I know he's right but I just don't want to leave everyone here. He said it's probably better if I see my friends and try and get things back to normal with Lilly... I know he's right again but I just can't make things right with Lilly, all I ever do it upset her no matter how hard she tries with me. I'm just an idiot, she's too good for me. I act too laid back when it comes to dating, and I've heard Eoghain's been paying her loads of attention and won't stop asking her out, and I guess she might like that kind of thing. I dunno. I guess I'll try and talk to her when things have calmed down a bit more.

2008-11-10T16:36:00.000-08:00

LILLY JENSON
WEDNESDAY, 29TH OCTOBER 2008
10:05
LJ on ... life

Eoghain's been in touch loads last night and this morning, he seems really eager which makes me feel a bit apprehensive. He won't stop going on about this 'fabulous restaurant' that he's driving me to tomorrow night, and he says he's booked us a hotel.... which me and Camps are really not happy about, even to the extent that Camps might come in disguise as soon as she knows where we are. I mean... a hotel. Bit soon? I made up an excuse about having to be back early the next morning for uni, and he said he'll see how I feel tomorrow...

I think Camps is going back to Cambridge and I feel I should be there too. But I can't go where I'm not wanted.... so......

Going to go to the library for some books and then spend all day on my essays, see if I can get my head around them. I've had so much fun these first six weeks of uni but now it looks as though the fun stops and the hard work starts!!!! Bad times.

2008-11-10T16:29:00.001-08:00

OLIVER MOORE
TUESDAY, 28TH OCTOBER 2008
19:37
waiting game

My interview went really well today, I think so anyway. They asked me loads of questions and made sure I was mad about the course etc and then said they'd get in touch over the next couple of days. Hopefully they'll let me here and I can stay here in Hallam.

I'm still at Lilly's flat, I don't think she's too pleased about it but she's just too nice and won't tell me to go home. She went out on a date with Eoghain last night, not too sure about that, I thought she was mad about Josh and knowing Lilly she's just trying to date Eoghain to take her mind off of Josh.

Who hasn't been in touch, by the way. I wanna go over there and help him but I don't think it's really a good idea, seems as I made him and Lilly fall out. Yet again.

2008-11-05T17:43:00.000-08:00

LILLY JENSON
TUESDAY, 28TH OCTOBER 2008
17:20
LJ on ... gossip

Everyone's making a big deal about me being spotted out to dinner with Eoghain last night. I don't see what the big problem is, but there was this huge hype surrounding Josh and I and I think most people thought we were together... so now they think I'm cheating on him.

Hmmm I wonder who started this rumour? SFS so needs to grow up. Karma is a bitch and it's just going to come back to her so bad one day.

I'm really looking forward to Eoghain's party at the weekend, how fun is it going to be!!!! I might dress up as a cat... but I guess that's not scary... or with all these rumours going around I might go in a mask so that no-one recognises me!

Most of the girls have gone home for the week because they don't have lectures, so I'm a bit lonely here by myself, need to speak to Camps and see when she's back home.

2008-11-05T17:40:00.001-08:00

JOSH BAKER
TUESDAY, 28TH OCTOBER 2008
15:12
...

Still feel pretty much shit about everything. Spent all day at the hospital today but it just made me feel worse seeing Mum in so much pain. She start's chemotherapy in the next ten days.

Not heard from Lilly. Or Ollie. Not heard from anyone really.

2008-11-05T17:37:00.000-08:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
TUESDAY, 28TH OCTOBER 2008
10:01
UNTITLED

ive just found lils blog online through ollies and omg its annoying!!!!! im annoyed!!!! ahhhh she enjoyed this date last night butttttt why is she lying and saying eoghains reaaaaaaally gorgeous i mean yeah hes good looking but not half........... a QUARTER as good looking as josh!!!!! and not a quarter as muscly as josh either!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know what shes doinggg shes just going out with eoghain to take her mind off of josh!!!!! you watch she wont mention josh for ages and shell just go along with saying she likes eoghain etc etc etc yadda yadda!!!!!! i know she really doesnt think this date was half..... a quarter!!!...... as good as her ones with josh cos shes like 'it was nice' 'it was nice' nice nice nice nice and she hates using that word!!!!!!!!

argh i wish i could somehow change her mind!!!

im staying at jordons for a bit maybe for tonight and then go home tomorrow and sort things out back there!!!!

xoxoxoxo

2008-11-05T10:13:00.000-08:00

LILLY JENSON
MONDAY, 27TH OCTOBER 2008
23:47
LJ ON ...

So I went out tonight with Eoghain expecting to be a bit iffy with the situation because of what's been going on. But ahh it was great!!! He looked so gorgeous in a shirt and tie and told me how gorgeous I looked in my new dress - he took me to Bistro Pierre, and insisted on paying for the whole thing. We had such a nice night talking non-stop and he's rather cute, and those muscles....

We had a really fun night and when he walked me home he gave me a little kiss and it was really nice. He asked me out to dinner again on Thursday night and I told him yes... and my heart is beating a little bit and ahhh!

Oh, and it's his birthday on Saturday, so he's having a birthday/halloween party at Superfly on Friday night and wants me and all the gang to come. Should be fun!!!!! I'm going to ring Camps asap to arrange outfits!!!!

2008-11-05T10:05:00.001-08:00

SUMMER FRANCIS-SMITH
MONDAY, 27th OCTOBER 2008
20:30
UNTITLED

So, Lilly tried to play down her little fight with Joshy when I saw her earlier.
Thing is, she's just been spotted in Bistro Pierre on the arm of Eoghain Murphy.
So, if she's still all cosy with Josh like people think she is, that means she's cheating on him.

Lilly Jenson, quite the bitch!

xxxx

2008-11-05T09:47:00.002-08:00

THE INSIDER

Am I alone in thinking Lilly shouldn't be going out on this date tonight? Blocking all thoughts of Josh and going out with Eoghain when clearly besotted by Josh is not the way forward.

They can't ignore this romance forever, right?

2008-11-05T09:47:00.001-08:00

LILLY JENSON
MONDAY, 27TH OCTOBER 2008
14:11
LJ ON ...

The meeting with my tutor went well and I'm well on the way for a good dissertation idea. But on my way back I bumped into Summer and she made a scene about me and Josh falling out. I don't know who but someone's leaking information out and I hate it. So I tried my best to cope with Summer and just smiled at her and asked her where her friends were, before walking away.

I got back home and Ollie told me he had bumped into Summer earlier this morning... so there we go. Him and his big mouth. When we got home last night we talked for ages and almost sorted things out... we're on talking terms but I don't exactly like being alone with him. So just when we had sorted things out he goes and tells Summer about what's going on. He said he only mentioned it and knowing Summer she's just exaggerated it and invented her own version. Still, I'm annoyed with Ollie for talking to her.

Oh, and Eoghain called to ask if I wanted to go for dinner tonight... and I thought, why not? So I told him why not.

So it looks as though I have a date...!

2008-11-05T09:38:00.000-08:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
MONDAY, 27TH OCTOBER 2008
09:20
UNTITLED

ok so ive just got to jordons after a looooong weekend in london............ and lillys not here! josh is locked up in his room and jordon said he went apeshit and had a big go at lil for asking ollie to come over, and she went home!!!!!!!!!!

so now i dont know whether to go back to hallam or stay here.......... im stuck!!!!!!! i really want to stay here and make sure jordons ok i feel so bad that i havent been here all weekend to make sure everythings ok but i need to make sure lils ok too!!!!

josh and lil are soooooo meant to be it just never works out for them and i hate it i feel so bad for them both!!!!!! when they get together with no complications theyll be perfect!!!!!!

xoxoxoxo

2008-11-05T09:33:00.001-08:00

LILLY JENSON
SUNDAY, 26TH OCTOBER 2008
23:52
LJ ON ...

I think it's safe to say me liking Josh was the biggest mistake I ever made. I was totally stupid to think that he could like someone like me.

2008-11-05T09:27:00.000-08:00

JOSH BAKER
SUNDAY, 26TH OCTOBER 2008
21:39
screwed up... again...

Spent the afternoon/evening with Lilly after coming home from the hospital. Mum's awake and talking although she's devastated about what's happened. Lilly's been keeping me company all night and she's been so great with Mikey and everyone, even driving my Grandparents home and cooking dinner for us all.

Half an hour ago there was a knock at the door and Dad called up saying it was for me. I went downstairs and there was Ollie. Because I was so wound up from the whole day I went a bit mad and asked him what he was doing turning up on my doorstep. He told me Lilly had rang him - I stupidly went upstairs back to my room and yelled at her too. She tried to calm me down but I just couldn't calm down and she said she asked Ollie to come over to help out and make everything better. So I stupidly got really mad and told her that she was making everything worse. She got really upset and stood up and tried to reason with me for some reason everything that I had kept in these past couple of days came out and I yelled at her really bad; I don't know why the hell I took my anger out on her when she had been the one who stuck with me through the weekend. She looked so hurt and as soon as Ollie came in the room I came to my senses and tried to apologise but Lilly was already gathering her stuff together. I tried to stop her from leaving; she was crying and I knew she couldn't drive home if she was in a state, plus she had had a couple of glasses of wine, but she just rushed past me and Ollie followed her.

Dad heard the whole thing and is now really mad with me and I want to drive after her but ARGH.

2008-11-02T18:57:00.002-08:00

LILLY JENSON
SUNDAY, 26TH OCTOBER 2008
13:32
LJ on ...

I woke up this morning and Josh was still asleep... then I fell back sleep, woke up five minutes ago and he isn't here. I'm assuming he's at the hospital and didn't want to wake me, although my phone battery's dead so I can't find out. It's really cold and I've put on one of his jumpers to keep warm. I'm so tired, but contemplating going down to the hospital to keep him company.

I rang Ollie quickly this morning, it was really weird but I thought I needed to let him know what was happening, seems as he's one of Josh's oldest friends. He said he'd try and make it down, so we'll see later.

I tried to get in touch with Camps but she's working solidly all weekend, and she'll be back in Hallam tomorrow. I really want to stay here but I've got a meeting with my dissertation tutor tomorrow morning, so I'm going to maybe drive down tonight if I'm awake enough.

Argh I don't know what to do to try and make myself useful. I don't even really know if Josh wants me here; after all we did fall out. I just hope he's okay.

2008-11-02T18:57:00.001-08:00

OLIVER MOORE
SUNDAY, 26TH OCTOBER 2008
11:21
friendship

I got a surprise call from Lilly today, saying that Josh's Mum is really ill in hospital and she thinks that maybe I should go over and spend some time with him. She said he's in a really bad way and she doesn't know what to do to make him better, and even after everything that's happened he might like it if I go over.

I'm really gutted for him, especially after his Mum was given the all-clear. I'm getting my bags ready now and I'm gonna drive over later tonight.

2008-11-02T18:54:00.000-08:00

LILLY JENSON
SATURDAY, 25TH OCTOBER 2008
23:40
Lilly on ...

Me and Josh went for a walk earlier when we got back from the hospital. He hadn't said a single word all day to anyone, but when we were alone again he finally started talking.

We went to the canal and sat down on a bench and it was absolutely freezing, and Josh put his arm around me; I think it was comfort for him as well as keeping me warm. He told me lots of stories about what he, Mikey and Jordon did when they were younger. Some of them included his Mum, some of them didn't. It was nice to sit down and hear him talk about it, and he even laughed a few times.

It was silent between us again for a while, and I didn't really know what to say to him about what's happened. He hasn't told me how he feels and he hasn't really spoken about it; he hasn't really shown his emotions yet either and I can see that he's trying his hardest to act strong.

I really enjoyed our walk but I wasn't sure whether Josh wanted to be alone for a bit with his family, although he didn't ask me to leave so I went back to his house and everyone was there; his Dad, Jordon, Mikey and their Grandparents. Mikey was really upset and confused about the situation and didn't understand where his Mum was, but he calmed down a bit when he saw Josh and he sat with him for a while whilst I helped their Nana make some food.

The house was so quiet all night and no-one really ate anything. I feel so awful for them all, it must be so horrible for them to have to go through all of this after already being put through it once before. I honestly had no idea.

Josh has just come into his room from his shower and he looks so deflated. Utterly gorgeous, but deflated. I don't know what to say to make him feel any better but hopefully me being here is enough.

2008-11-02T18:42:00.001-08:00

SUMMER FRANCIS-SMITH
SATURDAY, 25TH OCTOBER 2008
17:28
UNTITLED

I knew it wouldn't be long before I came up with the perfect plan!!! All I have to do is wait for the perfect time...

xxxx

2008-11-02T18:41:00.001-08:00

JOSH BAKER
SATURDAY, 25TH OCTOBER 2008
16:04
...

When I woke up Lilly was asleep next to me, her head buried in my chest, and my arm was around her. I don't know how we fell asleep like that but I liked it. I could smell the shampoo in her hair and her breath tickled my skin. I didn't move for a long time, cos I didn't want to wake her up. I wanted to stay like that forever - me and Lilly, curled up, together. After a while I touched her hair and she moved a little closer to me, ducking her head more under mine.

And then I realised. My mind raced back to what had happened the night before and Lilly woke up, obviously feeling my body tense. She tried to stop me from rushing around getting dressed but I just had to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

Mum looked so old and pale and ill. I hate it.

2008-11-02T18:26:00.001-08:00

LILLY JENSON
SATURDAY, 25TH OCTOBER 2008
10:52
UNTITLED

Everything isn't okay. Josh's Mum is very, very ill, and has been for some time. I didn't know anything about it, and right now I daren't ask, but I'm so glad that I decided to drive over to Cambridge.

Josh was in an awful state when I arrived. I got there just as the doctor told them that their Mum's cancer has returned. It was the most heartbreaking news for me, I can't even imagine how it felt for Josh and Jordon. Josh spaced out and would have collapsed if he hadn't been helped onto a chair. I sat with him and tried to console him the best I could but he didn't cry; he was in shock and just stared into space, his head bowed and eyes empty.

I've never seen him like that before and I'm so worried about him. He was spaced out for the rest of night, in shock, not talking and not answering to anything; I don't even think he knew I was there.

Eventually we persuaded him to leave the hospital and I drove him home. Their Dad had arrived and he and Jordon stayed there but Josh wasn't in the right frame of mind to stay. I drove us back with directions from Jordon and tried to get Josh to get some rest but he didn't listen to me; he went onto his computer and mumbled that he wasn't tired.

I must have fallen asleep about 5am, I woke up at 9am and Josh was finally asleep next to me, his hair in his eyes and his face all pale and tired. I feel awful for him, I really do. Jordon came home this morning to collect some things for his Mum; he said she's in theatre and that's the only update that they have. I know Josh might be mad that I haven't woken him but after last night I think he needs some more rest.

Mikey is staying with their Grandparents for a couple of days, to make sure he doesn't get distressed. He was really excited about seeing me this morning and didn't really understand what was going on - it's heartbreaking.

I'm really tired so I might lay down with Josh for a couple of hours and get some rest. I feel so awful for him.

2008-11-02T18:25:00.002-08:00

JOSH BAKER
SATURDAY, 25TH OCTOBER 2008
04:08
...

I've had the worst night possible. Mum was cooking dinner for us earlier when suddenly she fainted and we couldn't bring her round. I've never panicked so much in my whole life and the next thing I know Mum was being rushed to the hospital in the ambulance and we were in there with her and she wasn't breathing and...

I can't believe it. I really thought Mum was getting better, but she's been so drained and I've been too busy with all this fucking drama at uni to notice that my Mum is literally fading away. I've been so blind and I'm so fucking angry with myself.

They wouldn't tell us anything at the hospital. After hours of waiting and no answers from the million questions we asked the doctors I started getting angry and upset. I tried so hard to contain it but I'm just so fucking angry with myself that I couldn't help it.

We had left Mikey in bed but he woke up and rang asking where we were and I tried explaining the best I could but I got upset again and...

After five hours of waiting the doctor finally came out and told us something that I really couldn't deal with hearing. Mum's cancer has returned. She doesn't have any option than to go into surgery as soon as possible to undergo a double mastectomy. I don't remember my legs giving way but I remember being helped onto a chair, and then I remember someone putting their arms around me. I looked up but didn't register than it was Lilly. All I remember was her arms around me really tightly.

The next thing I realise it's 4am and I'm back home but can't sleep. Lilly is sitting in my chair asking me to try and get some rest but now I'm wide awake. I can't remember half of the night, all I know is that we're back at the bottom of the hill again with a long way to go up. And that as soon as she knew I was in trouble, Lilly was there to try and help me through it.

2008-11-02T18:25:00.001-08:00

LILLY JENSON
FRIDAY, 24TH OCTOBER 2008
20:46
LJ ...

I've just had a really panicked phone call from Camps saying that Josh's and Jordon's Mum has collapsed and been rushed to A&E in Cambridge. So now I'm really worried and Camps can't be there because she's in London for the weekend, so I'm going to drive down.

Apparently Josh is in a state and their Dad is working away... I'm putting some overnight things into a bag now and I'm going to get over there as soon as I can.

I hope everything is ok.

2008-11-02T18:24:00.003-08:00

LILLY JENSON
FRIDAY, 24TH OCTOBER 2008
19:01
LILLY ON ... HOME

It feels so good to be home!!! I even ate the meal Mum cooked for me tonight, it was the best!!
I tried to call Josh today but he ignored my calls, so it's obvious that I've upset him. All my parents could talk about was the ball but after dinner I talked to Corey about everything and he said the only way things were going to work out was if I put all my cards on the table and let Josh know how I feel.

But I just don't know if I can make that step. I really am smitten with him but I don't know if I can say that to him and give him all of me. What if he throws it back in my face? I'm scared about being hurt again. I know that if anything happened between Josh and I then Summer would try to step in and ruin it at the first opportunity, and I can't stand the thought of Josh giving into her again.

Argh stop it!!! I've come home to get away from everything for the weekend. Shut up Lil.

2008-11-02T18:24:00.001-08:00

JOSH BAKER
FRIDAY, 24TH OCTOBER 2008
16:19
strong

Okay so now is the time to stop being such a pussy and to start acting the man that I am. All I ever do on this blog is get slushy about Lilly Jenson and look where it's got me! She tried to call me today but I ignored it; I'm sure she's very happy with Eoghain.

And yeah that's me being totally bitter but I'm determined to have a good weekend at home away from Lilly Jenson and everything at Hallam. I'm going to concentrate on having a good time with my family.

And hopefully by Monday Lilly Jenson would have decided that I'm the guy she wants to be with.

- I do make myself laugh...

2008-11-02T18:23:00.000-08:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
FRIDAY, 24TH OCTOBER 2008
10:20
UNTITLED

poor lil she cant do right from wrong!!!!!!!!!! its not her fault so many guys like her and its not her fault josh screwed up!!!!!! i just feel so sorry for them all, espesh josh and lil because they soooo obv like each other they just cant get together!!!!!!!

i know its all that everyone talks about but theyre just soooo cute when theyre together and they deserve to be together and argggh its annoying!!!

anyway im off for the weekend, for a boring weekend being a boring PA - see you all on monday!!!!!

xoxoxoxoxo

2008-11-02T17:58:00.001-08:00

LILLY JENSON
FRIDAY, 24TH OCTOBER 2008
08:28
LJ ON ... UPSETTING PEOPLE

I hate the way me and Josh never run smoothly. One of us always does something to upset the other and that's why we're not working out. Last night I went out with Eoghain and he was really nice and just friendly, but after a few drinks he told me how much he liked me, and even though I told him I was a bit relunctant, he kept taking my hand etc and telling me how pretty I was. Which was totally flattering, but all I could think about was Josh.

He walked me home quite early because I was really tired and when we got to the gates he tried to kiss me. To be honest I was a bit tempted and I did kiss him back for a split second before I saw someone standing in front of us and it was Josh, stood holding a bouquet of flowers. When he looked at me his eyes were so hurt, and I felt so guilty. I asked him what he was doing here and he said he came to apologise about the other night. I swear if I hadn't made the decision to stay away I would have jumped into his arms right there and then. But he probably wouldn't have let me, because he was really upset with what he saw and he gave me the flowers before saying he would leave us to it... and then he walked away.

I'm gutted that I've upset him and I'm mad that this always happens. I really wish everything wasn't so complicated, but if it is this complicated then maybe it's not meant to be?

2008-11-02T17:57:00.002-08:00

JOSH BAKER
THURSDAY, 23RD OCTOBER
22:22
...

Okay so I finally plucked up the courage to call Lilly to see what she was doing tonight. But she didn't answer her phone all night, so I thought I'd might as well go over there and see whether she's free.

I bought her a small bouquet of flowers to say sorry for the argument we had at my party. And I was just walking up to the gates when I saw her walking back towards her halls... with Eoghain. I stopped and watched them for a second, feeling a bit disheartened, and saw that he tried to hold her hand but she pulled away from him and put her hands in her pockets. When they got to the gates I didn't have time to duck out of the way but they didn't see me. They stopped at her gates and as she was trying to find her key in her bag Eoghain took her hand and kissed her. I turned around to walk away when Lilly called my name and I looked back at her; she looked surprised that I was stood there waiting for her, and guilty that I had witnessed Eoghain's attempt to kiss her [i don't know whether she responded because I turned away...]. Eoghain looked a bit pissed off to be interrupted but Lilly asked me what I was doing here and I gave her the flowers and said I had come around to apologise.

She looked really surprised and then really guilty as she looked at me, so obviously something was going on between her and Eoghain. Before she had the chance to say anything I apologised for interrupting them both and then walked away.

I'm really gutted but I should have seen it coming, I just somehow thought she might not be that into him. But he must be a top guy if she likes him.

Lucky guy.

2008-11-02T17:57:00.001-08:00

OLIVER MOORE
THURSDAY, 23RD OCTOBER 2008
20:20
half way to sorted

Okay so I've applied for a transfer to Hallam for my final year. I don't know whether it's a clever idea or a totally stupid one; I guess I'll know once I get there.

It shouldn't be a problem because we're not far into the term, and MMU have organised an interview for me on Tuesday, so I have to get myself over there and get sorted and try and make a really good impression.

I'm quite confident about it, but not confident about the reaction I'll get from Lilly Josh & co once I tell them my plans.

2008-11-02T17:56:00.002-08:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
THURSDAY, 23RD OCTOBER 2008
17:31
UNTITLED

jordons asked me to come home with him for the weekend and ahhhhh i reeeeeeally want to go but i cant i gotta go and do a placement in london for my course and ahhh its probably going to be really borrrrrrring and id rather be tucked up in bed with jordon any day but i dont have a choice!!!!!!

it would be great to meet his family again ahhhh bummer!!!!

lils got a date tonight grrr!!! well she says its not a date but i know eoghain wants it to be a date and thats not good cos i want her to get with josh argggggh!!!!

xoxoxoxo

2008-11-02T17:56:00.001-08:00

LILLY JENSON
THURSDAY, 23RD OCTOBER 2008
14:29
LJ ON ...

Eoghain kept texting me this morning whilst I was in lectures and then he called me leaving a message asking if I wanted to go out with him tonight. I talked to Camps about it and she said he does like me and would probably want something to happen between us but if I made it clear I just wanted to be friends with him then he'd be okay with that.

So I accepted his offer to hang out tonight, and I'm quite looking forward to it. I enjoyed all the time we spent together last week, and he is a total hottie, and even though I like Josh I don't mind being friends with Eoghain as long as he can keep it that way.

I think I'm going to go home tomorrow, Corey said he'll be popping over too so I'm going to go and see them all, really looking forward to it.

I'm going to the pub with Eoghain at eight so that gives me enough time to get on with my ethics essay... fun times...

2008-11-02T17:55:00.002-08:00

JOSH BAKER
THURSDAY, 23RD OCTOBER 2008
12:32
gutless...

So it's pretty much near to the end of the week and I still haven't plucked up the courage to talk to Lilly. I know I said I was going to wait for everything to calm down but I can't help thinking about her. So I think I'm going to call her tonight and see if she wants to hang out for a bit. It's pound a pint so we could always go for a drink or something...

All the guys are telling me to go for it but I'm just so gutless. I don't even know how she feels; she was pretty mad at me at the party and said she didn't want to talk to me again, so...

Argh for fuck's sake. At the start of term I was going out with frigging Summer Francis-Smith, who was making me the most miserable person on earth. And so now that I like someone who I know is going to be great, I should just go for it and make myself happy. It's just not as easy as it sounds.

Mum rang again today and said she didn't feel too well, which worried me a bit but we're going over tomorrow so hopefully we can help her out with looking after Mikey and what have you. I just hope she's not pushing herself too hard with everything.

2008-11-02T17:55:00.001-08:00

LILLY JENSON
WEDNESDAY, 22ND OCTOBER 2008
23:00
LJ ON ... THINKING

Okay so maybe I shouldn't stay in all of the time... it's so quiet when all of the girls go out and I have so much time to sit down and contemplate things! Which is never good.

I can't believe it's Christmas soon! I really need to start buying my presents. Our parents totally spoil us at Christmas and we have huge family gatherings practically every day of the holidays. There's always something going on and I love it; I love the way Mum decorates the whole house and I love seeing all of Dad's Christmas productions at Chic. Mum's been on about his end of year party non-stop and it's getting me quite excited about it too. Apparently she's been on the phone to Josh's Mum quite a bit and they've struck up quite a friendship, which is really nice, but a shame because I haven't told her that me and Josh aren't exactly together like she thinks we are, and I guess Josh hasn't told his Mum either. Anyway Mum said that she didn't realise Josh's Mum was a fashion designer and was already a very good aquaintance of Dad's, he didn't realise that she was Josh's Mum and so she received two invites; an official one in the post and an informal one over the phone. Mum said she had only just got back to work after being off for the past year for 'personal reasons', which maybe could be her taking time out to look after Josh's brother. Anyway so both families are really excited about the party, and I guess me and Josh have to sort things out.

This year it's going to be really important for me; Dad knew that I always wanted to go into fashion journalism and him being the sensible businessman he is made me promise that I would study at uni like every one else before I got a job; either by him or another company. He knew there was already enough gossip going around Hallam about me being the favourite and we agreed that I had to work for it the same as every body else; and besides, if he gave me a job and then something happened to him or the company, I would be out on my own with no qualifications. So now that I'm coming up to graduation next year I'll be looking for someone to take me on and instead of just choosing Dad's company I want to keep my options open. And all of the big people are going to be there on Nov 15th and I really have to impress them. I'm really nervous but really excited, and to be honest I can't think of anyone else I would like to be on the arm of rather than Josh.

Which pretty much explains everything doesn't it...

2008-11-02T17:54:00.001-08:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
WEDNESDAY, 22ND OCTOBER 2008
21:30
UNTITLED

ahhhhhhhhhhh im sooooooooooo in looooooooooooooooove!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXO

2008-11-02T17:53:00.001-08:00

SUMMER FRANCIS-SMITH
WEDNESDAY, 22ND OCTOBER 2008
20:38
UNTITLED

I'm really pissed off and have gone home for the week to try and recouporate. I can't believe I'm all out of plans and the girls aren't backing me up!!!

But it's only a little blip, I'm sure Summer FS will be back and bigger than ever asap.I just need a plan.

Oh did you hear that Hannah likes Ben but he's secretly having it off with her sister? What is it with the whole sister thing any way??? Ollie trying to get into Rebecca's pants and all that, not feeling it, at all!!!

This is the only place I would admit such a thing but I kinda miss Josh. He was always there at my beck and call and I miss that. I miss him driving me around and taking me shopping. I also miss his body and how amazing he was in bed. Which makes me happy that he's not planning on getting with that hussy any time soon, and I still have a chance to make him come back to me.
I'm sure I can succeed, I am SFS after all...

xxxx

2008-11-02T17:52:00.002-08:00

LILLY JENSON
WEDNESDAY, 22ND OCTOBER 2008
13:00
LJ ON ... BEST FRIENDS

Camps found jama-gate absolutely hilarious this morning and wouldn't stop talking about it for ages. She actually really cheered me up, I love it when she makes fun of me she's so funny. And it's really nice to see her happy too. Jordon stayed over last night and they looked so cute together in the kitchen this morning. He's like 4 years older than her but they really suit each other - it's really funny because he's mental just like her, although Josh is much more chilled out. I kind of wish he had knocked on the door last night but after the argument we had I guess he didn't feel confident enough.

I've just got back from lectures and apparently Summer hasn't been seen out and about for a few days now. Not that I've noticed, but looking back on it I guess I haven't heard anything from her which is quite strange. Maybe she's gone home because she's broken a nail, or something...
I'm feeling really homesick again and might go home for the weekend to sort myself out. The only thing that's stopping me is that I know Mum's going to think I've lost a lot of weight and she's going to start going on about me not eating again. It's a bit of a private issue that hasn't got any further than my family - we've all been so concerned over the past few years about Camps that we never mention anything about it - but I can feel myself not eating too. And it's not good, I know, but I just can't help myself. I like to be in control of one thing in my life and seems as everything else is spiralling out, food is the one thing I can focus on and keep under control. I just like being skinny; that's the way it goes. I know I'm tall and naturally thin yadda yadda but Mum's going to notice and - like I'm 5 again - tell me off.

We need to start thinking of how to celebrate Halloween next week, I'm not sure where to go or who to invite but I guess it'll be nice if we all get together and can do something without anything kicking off again. I might even throw a party at home, just to get away from Hallam for a bit.
I've had a couple of text messages from Eoghain this morning asking if I wanted to go for coffee and I'm really tempted, and I feel guilty for letting him down, but my head's just not in the right place. Maybe some other time.

2008-11-02T17:52:00.001-08:00

JOSH BAKER
WEDNESDAY, 22ND OCTOBER 2008
10:00
funny...

Last night the pub was pretty rammed because the footy was on so Lauren persuaded us to go round to hers and carry on the night there. We all guessed Lilly was out because there was no sound coming from her room, and we watched the footy and played some drinking games and got quite drunk.

Then around midnight Lilly emerged from her bedroom into the kitchen wearing the cutest winter jamas ever, and suddenly became the laughing stock of the kitchen. It was pretty funny, the guys found it hilarious. Anyway she kind of looked at me, blushed, grabbed a drink and practically ran back to her room. Everyone was encouraging me to knock on her door and say hello to her but I didn't dare to, so I left it and we ended up back home about 3ish.

It was a pretty good night and I'm feeling really good this morning, Jordon's staying until the end of the week and we're gonna go back to Cambridge together to see the family.

Him and Lauren are really cute together, they seem to be getting on really well even though she really is a bit loopy. She doesn't eat, never stops talking and is always away with the fairies. But he seems pretty into her so I'm pleased for him.

Mum rang me this morning and she won't stop going on about Lilly's Dad's end of year party. She said she's got her dress already sorted and made me promise we'd go shopping for tuxedos at the weekend. I think it's a bit far in advance and I need to speak to Lilly about it but I'm glad Mum's got something to look forward to. Since she's been in remission she's really enjoyed going back to work again and she's been socialising loads and it's really good for her. I might get her a gift actually before we go home, could always get her a bag to go with the gown she'll be wearing.
Gonna get to lectures then maybe carry on with these essays and get a bit more out of the way before the weekend so I've got nothing to stress about. I don't know what the guys' plans are for tonight but I'm guessing it'll be a night in with beer, pizza and football. Good times.

2008-11-02T17:51:00.001-08:00

LILLY JENSON
TUESDAY, 21ST OCTOBER 2008
23:59
LJ on ... snoopy pyjamas

I can't believe what's just happened... I think I've just about died from shame...

The girls went to the pub and I heard them all come in about an hour ago, so it must have been too busy to stay there and they've decided to come back. It was really cold and I had nothing to do so I put my thickest snoopy pyjamas on - saved for winter alone times - and worked on my dissertation for a few hours.

They were really rowdy so I went out to get a drink... and there was Josh in the kitchen. Sat down playing ring of fire with all the girls, and Jordon and most of Josh's housemates from 110, who of course couldn't help but make comments about my 'cute pjs', making Josh look up and realise I had walked in, then blushing, then me blushing, then everyone sniggering at each other because Josh and Lilly are so obviously meant to be yadda yadda...

Soooo I kind of grabbed my juice and ran back to my room. And here I am. And I hope Josh doesn't knock on the door; I might actually change back into my clothes just so I stop looking like a 5 year old live woodstock.

2008-11-02T17:50:00.000-08:00

JOSH BAKER
TUESDAY, 21ST OCTOBER 2008
20:08
pub time...

Jordon's just come back up for a couple of days because he's got a last-minute job interview in Sheffield tomorrow afternoon, which is pretty cool. And he said Lauren told him Lilly's not out tonight, so the lads all gathered around and said we should hit the pub. I was tempted to keep going with this essay, but they persuaded me to get up and get a shower and now we're just about to head out for quids night.

Should be fun.

2008-10-31T06:20:00.001-07:00

OLIVER MOORE
TUESDAY, 21ST OCTOBER 2008
19:50
decisions

I'm thinking of asking for a transfer to Sheffield Hallam. I can't stand not being on good terms with Lilly; she's been my best friend for as long as I can remember but I can't make it up to her when she's over there and I'm over here.

So I'm seriously thinking about trying to move; I'll be able to make the most out of my third year, and I'll be able to try and prove to Lilly that I'm not the bastard she thinks I've turned into. It's going to be a lot harder to try and persuade Josh, who rightfully thinks I'm a complete twat for what I've done to Lilly. He's so into her, and I don't blame him, but I feel a bit bitter about that too.

So, here goes.

2008-10-31T06:19:00.000-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
TUESDAY, 21ST OCTOBER 2008
17:28
UNTITLED

im trying to get lil out with us this evening but its just not working - shes not budging!!!!!!! we always go to the pub on a tuesday, its a little tradition thing weve had going on for three years now, but she doesnt want to go and i know why...

...she got flowers!!!!!!!! and she doesnt know who theyre from. and shes scared of bumping into josh at the pub because shes totalllllly smitten with him but cant have him yadda yadda. and shes scared of bumping into eoghain cos hes obviously into her but shes into josh.
ohhh, the dilemmas of being a 5'11" skinny blonde!!!...

xoxoxo

2008-10-31T06:18:00.000-07:00

JOSH BAKER
TUESDAY, 21ST OCTOBER 2008
14:11
studious...

I've finally finished the first draft of my law essay and it feels pretty good to have something written down, ready to work on. I'm glad I've got this to stress about so I don't stress too much about everything else that's going on. Haven't heard from Lilly, and Lauren hasn't said anything to Jordon about the situation. I think they're all purposely keeping Lilly's feelings underwraps so that it all calms down and doesn't get any worse. I guess the worst thing would be giving Summer something to feed on.

I'm trying not to think too much about what could be happening between Lilly and Eoghain. I'm just gonna let everything calm down and hopefully nothing else will go wrong, and me and Lilly will be able to sit down and talk about everything. After all, we are going to a ball together next month, and it looks like no matter how much she tries to get out of it, she can't. She has to go with me.

I might go home this weekend, try and get a bit of peace and quiet, and I miss Mikey so I'm probably gonna go and hang out with him for the weekend, see where I can take it. So much has happened in such a short amount of time and I need to concentrate on uni but I just want to get away from it all. But before I go home I want to see Lilly.

2008-10-27T18:33:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
TUESDAY, 21ST OCTOBER 2008
12:40
LJ on ... surprises

I've just had a phone call from the manager of this place saying there was a parcel downstairs for me... so I went to collect it and it's a big bouquet of roses. They're gorgeous, but there was no name or message on them so I don't know who they're from.

If they're from Eoghain I would be flattered, if they are from Josh I would go and see him and if they're from Ollie...?

Who knows.

2008-10-26T18:24:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
MONDAY, 20TH OCTOBER 2008
23:11
LILLY ON ... BEING BORING

All the girls are dressed up, very drunk and ready to go out for the student night but I'm just not up for it tonight. I'm in my jamas in bed with my laptop and Pretty in Pink to watch. I just feel so fed up from Saturday and if I bump into anyone I know I'll get upset.

Rebecca's gone home and I miss her already even though she annoys me sometimes. When Ollie left earlier I got a bit mad with her and yelled at her about bringing him around, and she got quite upset and said she thought we were best friends, and pointed out that we had been since we were babies. I just nodded; I couldn't bring myself to tell her what happened, and she's 17 she can make up her own mind about what she does and who she sees, I just told her to be careful. But secretly inside if he tries to even touch her again I'm going to make his life not worth living. Imagine what he can do to a naive 17 year old? And that sounds awful because I really do love him dearly but I don't know him any more, and that's the saddest part. I could forgive him tomorrow if there was a glimpse of my old Ollie in his eyes but there's not. He's changed and I don't know what's wrong with him but I've got a feeling that things can't get back to normal.
Come to think of it, I'm quite lonely. I'm sick of the arguing and sick of falling out with people, but I don't know when it's going to end.

2008-10-26T18:14:00.001-07:00

JOSH BAKER
MONDAY, 20TH OCTOBER 2008
20:49
bored...

I've been working on my law essay pretty much all day, but it's boring and I'm in loads of pain with my ribs from the fight last night. Looking back now I'm glad I did it to protect Lilly but on the other hand it was pretty stupid because I've got to try and let them mind as soon as possible so I can get stuck into this training programme.

Got another letter from them today explaining that I'll get paid their usual wage for training with them, which is pretty cool. I hate not having a job over at uni and hate relying on my monthly funding for everything, so I'm pretty chuffed to be getting my own money to spend.

It's coming up to Christmas and hopefully after all these essays are out of the way it'll be a really good one. Can't wait.

2008-10-26T18:11:00.001-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
MONDAY, 20TH OCTOBER 2008
16:10
UNTITLED

me and tam have just got back from lectures and everyones talking about lil!!!!!! i would say i dont know where its come from, but one guess!!!! stupid cow!!!!

so now theres rumours going around that lils sleeping with both eoghain and josh and that shes really enjoying having the pick of whichever guy she wants!!!! which is so not true and ive put a stop to it today by telling everyone the real truth - that lil and eoghain are just friends, lil and josh are well lil and josh, and summer is the hussy by turning up, turning up ALONE being a main point here, and throwing herself at josh like a little tramp!!

i love giving people something else to talk about!!!

xoxoxo

2008-10-26T18:08:00.001-07:00

SUMMER FRANCIS-SMITH
MONDAY, 20TH OCTOBER 2008
10:29
UNTITLED

Argggh Summer is not happy right now! Here I am, going ALONE to Josh's party on Saturday, and I get absolutely no attention at all!

The best thing that happened was Lilly walking in on me and Josh having a little moment! But not even that could knock her off her spot as I heard she slept over that night, the silly hussy....

So, seems as she's not daring to put a foot out of place, I guess the next best thing I can do is pretend that she has...

SFS xxx

2008-10-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

LILLY JENSON
MONDAY, 20TH OCTOBER 2008
10:20
LILLY ON ... THINKING STRAIGHT

Okay so this whole thing with Eoghain.

It's not happening.

I have far too much on my mind right now, with Josh and Summer and Ollie and Rebecca, I can't bring Eoghain into the equation too. It's really flattering that he likes me and another day and time I may like him too but I know where my mind lies and it's not with him.

I'm going to get loads of work done this week, shy away from the rumours and gossip and hopefully by next week everything will be a little quieter.

2008-10-26T18:03:00.001-07:00

OLIVER MOORE
SUNDAY, 19TH OCTOBER 2008
19:47
the morning after

Lil hasn't come out of her room since she came home about 3 this afternoon. And I know I shouldn't be but I'm at her flat hanging out with Rebecca. I had nowhere to go last night so she brought me back with her and cleaned up my cuts from Josh punching me. Me and him are so not cool at the minute and I don't know how I'm gona sort it out. Maybe it's not fixable.
I shouldn't have kissed Rebecca last night but it's the nearest I can get to Lilly.

And that's really bad.

2008-10-26T17:58:00.000-07:00

LILLY JENSON
SUNDAY, 19TH OCTOBER 2008
15:30
LJ ON ...

Me and Josh aren't talking. I stayed over last night because I couldn't get home and this morning was the most awkward thing ever. I can't believe I slapped him last night when he kissed me - I like him so much I wanted him to kiss me and then I slapped him? Such a stupid idiot.

He told me how much he liked me and everything... he said he was crazy about me. But this was two minutes after I saw him with Summer's arms wrapped around his neck. She was whispering in his ear and pressing herself against him and argh I was so upset. But after thinking about it this morning I've realised that he was probably telling the truth and Summer just threw herself on him. It wouldn't surprise me.

But it's too late now because things are ruined between us. The party was so good but after that argument things just changed. Eoghain kissed me, although that's a totally different matter. Will come to it later. Josh went upstairs and I followed him to apologise for slapping him, and we caught Ollie and Rebecca making out in his room. I'm so disappointed in Ollie, I can't believe he would do something like that after everything that's happened between us. And Rebecca's naive but I don't know what made her go for Ollie, he's not even her type and she's never showed an interest in him.

Ollie got really horrible and it turned into a bit of a fight between him and Josh. Ollie even went to hit Josh with me in the way at one point and Josh did well to get me out of the way, even if it did mean throwing me on the floor.

I went downstairs afterwards to find Eoghain but he had gone home so I asked Josh if I could stay over. Things were sooo awkward between us, it was horrible, but I must have fell asleep really quickly, and I woke up really late today and things were even more horrible, Josh was being really cold and I didn't know what to say to him but eventually I apologised to him for the argument we had. And you know what he said? That I shouldn't have listened to anything he said, because he was drunk.

I'm gutted about that, and I don't know why he said it but he did.

I came home and Ollie is here. I don't know what the hell Rebecca's playing at, but I just haven't got the energy to talk to either of them, I don't even want to look at Ollie so I've just come straight into my room.

I'm going to think about things and see what I want from everything. I really want to go home but it's Monday tomorrow and I've got uni work to do. I think I'm going to throw myself into that until things calm down and then try and talk things through with Josh.

2008-10-26T17:40:00.001-07:00

JOSH BAKER
SUNDAY, 19TH OCTOBER 2008
14:26
...

Lilly's only just woke up and she's not talking to me. Well, she said morning, after I said morning, but she just looked really upset and then realised where she was and went to get straight out of bed but I told her there was no hurry. Then she kind of looked at me before pulling the covers shyly over herself and I told her not to worry, I slept on the floor. She looked at me guiltily and I did say it pretty harshly to be honest. I'm just really pissed off about it all.

So then I was just pretending to mess around on the computer just so I didn't have to look at her, cos I knew I would just say something stupid again. She apologised for slapping me and I just shrugged. She asked if I had any clothes she could wear and I got some jeans and a hoodie out of my wardrobe for her. She looked at me when I handed them to her and patted the bed for me to sit down next to her and I hesitated but then sat down. She put her hand on my arm and thanked me for 'everything'. I looked at her and eventually she elaborated and said thanks for dealing with Ollie last night, and thanks for letting her stay. She apologised for making me sleep on the floor, but I told her I slept in the spare room, I just said that to make her feel bad. She actually laughed and I smiled at her, and then realised how close to her I was sitting. She started to talk about what went on between us last night but I just told her not to worry about it, and that I was drunk and she shouldn't take anything I said seriously. She actually looked a little disappointed, and I shouldn't have said it cos it's the furthest away from the truth, but now that she's obviously with Eoghain...

Eventually she left and I don't really know what to do apart from let things calm down and then reassess the whole thing. In the mean time I've got essays to start, ribs to mend, and an old best friend that needs seeing to.

2008-10-26T17:22:00.000-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
SUNDAY, 19TH OCTOBER 2008
13:08
UNTITLED

lils still asleep in joshs room and he emerged this morning looking very sorry for himself....... there was a huge fight last night between josh and ollie when ollie was caught making out with rebecca on joshs bed.... how could ollie!!! i cant believe it!!! after all thats happened he goes and does something completely stupid like that!!!!

but josh explained that earlier on in the night he and lil had had a BIG fight she even hit him!!! didnt know lil had it in her!!!! he said he told her how he felt about her but she probably wont remember because she was so drunk, then he made a sly comment about her being too busy eating eoghains face off... not good! he looked totally gutted!!!

so after the fight last night lil must have stayed over and i bet shes quite made up about eoghain but i know how much she wants to be with josh, so i bet shes gonna be pretty sad about what happened between them last night, i know she'll remember cos she likes him so bloody much!!!! im gonna speak to her later...........

the party was really good everyone dressed up and looked totally cool, i bet everyones talking about everything today but i just cant be bothered to go back home, far too comfy here with my perfect jordon and sulky josh!!! hehe

xoxoxoxxo

2008-10-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

JOSH BAKER
SUNDAY, 19TH OCTOBER 2008
02:01
fed up...

Can't believe the night has unfolded like this- Why is there always so much drama? Why can't things just run smoothly?

Lilly turned up to the party, and she looked so so so amazing in a Wonder Woman outfit. God she looked hot. And then trailing behind her holding onto her hand when they entered was fucking Eoghain. Who invited him anyway? I know we said they could have a +1 but why did she choose to bring him? So that was a bit of a bummer for me. And to top it all off, he was fucking wearing a fucking Robin costume, just like me. Great.

She didn't notice me for a while, and I was hanging out with the guys trying not to look like I was waiting for her to come over, when she eventually bumped into me in the kitchen. She didn't seem very drunk, and said hi and I said hi and she seemed really happy to see me, which raised my hopes a bit. We had a really nice conversation and she told me how much she loved my costume, and she made me really happy. We went to sit down together but Lilly got stopped on the way and she ended up joining the girls again, dancing with her sister Rebecca in the garden. Rebecca went off dancing with some guy that I didn't recognise, and when I turned around I came face to face with Summer, wearing a cheerleaders outfit. I asked her where her invitation was, and she replied that it must have got lost in the post. She put her arm around my neck whilst she said it, and moved closer to me and argh it made me so mad. I asked her whether she knew it was a superheroes party, and she said I should know that she always liked to stand out from the crowd.

At that exact moment, when Summer was whispering in my ear, Lilly came in to get a drink and stopped still at the sight of us. She looked at me really hurt and then walked off into the bathroom, and I followed her and walked in before she had a chance to lock the door. She told me to get out and I refused. I told her it wasn't what it looked like, but knew she had every reason not to believe me. She told me that she was glad it was confirmed that she had made the right choice in breaking it off with me. I tried to explain that I had just bumped into her but Lilly didn't believe me, and said she knew she would always be second best to Summer. Which is not true, and I told her, but it was all in vain. So I just pretty much came out with it. I told her how much I liked her, how crazy I was about her, how gorgeous she always looked and how shit I felt not being able to get close to her. She told me she couldn't listen to it any more, and she was happy to be my friend when things calmed down but for now she just didn't want to talk to me, not when it was clear that Summer was still so involved in my life. I tried telling her it honestly wasn't what it looked like and that I hadn't seen Summer since that night, and it was Lilly I wanted not Summer, but she went to walk out. And so I grabbed her and kissed her, and she pushed me away from her and slapped me. She was so upset, that she actually slapped me. And then walked out.

I walked out to follow her but couldn't see her, and walked into the garden for some fresh air. I sat down on the bench for a while to think things through, and then looked across the garden and saw Lilly and Eoghain talking. She looked upset and he took her hand and they talked for a while longer, then he put his hand to her face and kissed her. And she kissed him back. And I'm gutted.

I stormed off to my room for some quiet drunken time, and Lilly must have followed me cos I heard her call my name when I was going upstairs. I don't think she knows that I saw. Anyway I ignored her and walked into my room, and two people were making out on my bed. I was pissed off enough already and when I asked them what the hell they were doing, I heard Lilly walk into the room at the same time as they took their masks off, and there was Ollie and Rebecca. And I just went skitz, I grabbed Ollie off of the bed and threw him onto the floor. I was just so mad but Lilly jumped in front of me before I had chance to do anything stupid. She looked at me with her big blue eyes and took my arms and told me that she would deal with this. There was something about her that calmed me down and I actually waited whilst Lilly yelled at Ollie for taking advantage of her little sister. Rebecca played the "i'm old enough to know what i'm doing" card but Lilly told her this was serious and she didn't understand the situation. Ollie did know the situation though and I can't believe how stupid he was being. He started yelling back at her and she started to get upset, and by some of the words used I think Rebecca clicked on that something bad had happened between them. Lilly told Rebecca to go downstairs and then Ollie started to get nasty, and I told him to shut it but he started calling Lilly a slut, saying that she was flitting from him to me to Eoghain whenever she felt like it. I swear I couldn't keep back any longer and I just smacked him one and he fell to the floor again. He got up and went for me and I had to practically throw Lilly out of the way else he would have hit her. I've never seen him act so psycho before, and I know it scared the shit out of Lilly. Some of the guys burst into the room after hearing the commotion and we shoved Ollie out of the room and they said they'd throw him out. I was so mad. I went back into my room and Lilly was sitting where she had landed on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest. I walked over to her and she looked up at me with her sad face and I took her hands and pulled her up. She staggered a little into me, she was pretty drunk, and then we just stood and looked at each other, not really knowing what to say. And it was pretty much the most awkward thing ever. I sat down on my bed and she didn't even say anything, after a while she just left.

Then she came back, and said Eoghain had gone home and she wondered if she could stay over. God I like her so, so much and I know she likes me too, and I regret sleeping with Summer so much cos it's completely screwed things up. She pretty much fell asleep in my bed five minutes after lying down, hardly saying a word to me. So now she's fast asleep in one half of my bed in her Wonder Woman outfit, and tomorrow morning is going to be hell for her. I'm such a complete idiot.

2008-10-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
SATURDAY, 18TH OCTOBER 2008
19:03
UNTITLED

ooooooooook so this is all a little weird! me and the girls have been on the wine all night, very drunk right now, but ollie has been here all day???? weird. and hes coming to the party?!!!! even more weird. i dont know why hes bothered turning up???? i dont exactly know what to say to him - do i be friendly or do i ignore him or???? i think he knows theres a bit of an atmosphere going on, cos he keeps looking at me with his little cute face like a little puppy, silently begging for me to talk to him!!! i dont know what he expects when he gets to the party - everyone to accept him with open arms????

to be fair they cant really see that its him heheheh!!!

and the other weird thing, lil is not here?????? shes at eoghains flat?!!!! which means hes coming too!!!! so with josh eoghain and ollie all coming theres bound to be drama!!!!

argggh so much drama!!!! anyway were all ready to go and its gonna be a boss of a party but i just have a feeling that things arent really going to run as smooth!!

but really do they ever!!!!

xoxoxoxoxo

2008-10-24T17:32:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
SATURDAY, 18TH OCTOBER 2008
16:38
LJ ON ... BEING WONDER WOMAN

Okay so Camps' plan worked; she surprised me earlier by presenting me with a wonderful, gorgeous, hand-made Wonder Woman outfit. She went to so much effort to make it, and it fitted so perfectly, and her face was so adorable, that I just couldn't say no. I know she had done it on purpose, but it was so sweet of her, and she said I look so hot in it that I have to go.

And so I'm going. But Eoghain is coming too, to keep me company. And so I'm at his house now, making him a Robin outfit. I'm sure someone else will be going as Robin but we thought it was the best outfit to make, so we're going for it! I've been sewing green fabric all day, and so far he looks really cool.

I really like Eoghain. God why do I fall for all of these nice guys? But he's so great to me, so funny and he has such a cute face, he's completely gorgeous and his accent... ok so I need to stop thinking about guys for at least a day... I know I'm so bad.

But earlier when I was measuring him for his outfit he took his top off and he has the most incredible body. The thing is, that he's not as broad as Josh and he doesn't quite have the eight-pack thing going on yet like Josh does, but god he is ripped! Look at me I'm so lame, I even make myself laugh! Anyway, enough of the school-girl talk.

We're almost finished making his outfit, and I've even eaten lunch today... a whole sandwich. I'm proud, anyway. Tonight is going to be good, I'm determined for it to be! I can't wait to catch up with Josh, but I'm also nervous about seeing him. I get that strange feeling every time I look at him. I hate wanting him, because I know I can't have him because of what he's done. And I'm gutted, but that's the way it has to be.

2008-10-24T17:24:00.001-07:00

JOSH BAKER
SATURDAY, 18TH OCTOBER 2008
13:15
party time...

I love how these parties are a regular thing with our group of friends in Hallam. And to be honest the guys pretty much know how to host a great party. We've got all the drink ready, got the decks out, put the valuables away and cleared up the garden.

And I'm gonna look sweet in this Robin outfit, actually all of us look pretty nifty to be honest. I don't even know who's who, which is kinda cool. And I'm still hoping Lilly will come, actually I'm really nervous about the whole thing. My parents rang me today saying that they've been invited to Lilly's Dad's end of year party; he's the editor of one of the hottest fashion magazines ever, and anyway I have to go too. Apparently so Mum says I've been purposely picked to be Lilly's date for the evening, as her parents 'approve' of our 'relationship' and hope to welcome me more to the family. I don't know what the hell that's about - whether they don't know me and Lilly had a fight, and that me and Corey had a fight, or whether Lilly's told them something I don't know of, which I don't think she has cos she's pretty mad at me right now... so, I dunno, but looks like I'm going next month. And seems as it's a fashion magazine, looks like I need a brand new winter 08 tux. I need to speak to Lilly about it but I need to get tonight out of the way yet. I wonder whether she comes? And if she comes, what she's going to dress up as...

2008-10-24T17:17:00.000-07:00

OLIVER MOORE
SATURDAY, 18TH OCTOBER 2008
12:30
decisions

Rebecca texted me today asking me if I was coming to this party that they're all going to round Josh's house tonight. I didn't know whether she's spoken to the others and she's taking the piss or whether she was genuinely asking if I was going, so I replied saying Josh and Lilly weren't exactly talking to me right now. And she texted back basically saying we should all kiss and make up, and if I dress as a superhero then they won't even know it's me anyway.

So I decided to go over to Sheffield. And Lilly's out, so Rebecca invited me round to get ready at hers. Lilly's at Eoghain's house or something, so the coast is clear and I'm round there, although Rebecca had to get the girls to pinky promise they wouldn't tell Lilly I'm here; she would go absolutely mad if she found out.

I don't even know what I'm doing coming all the way over, but I'm guessing Rebecca's right and I should at least try and apologise to everyone.

So here goes.

2008-10-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
FRIDAY, 17TH OCTOBER 2008
23:10
UNTITLED

weve just got back from the pub and am quite drunk although not eaten anything all day so that could be the reason why!! jordon and josh came to meet us and eoghain was there too and he and lil were stuck in their deep conversation as per usual!! i really think hes taking her mind off josh but i duno if thats a good thing or not? cos josh and lil are soooo meant to be!! but i guess he kinda had his chance and he blew it, so!!!!!!!

im at jordons atm, i feel a bit bad for leaving lil alone although they were still at the pub when we left! im sure eoghain will walk her home!! ive soooo missed jordon im so glad hes here, i love him so much!!! and hes so totally hot!!!

okay so josh just came into our room and he looks really down!!!! hes soooo pining after lil its soooo cute!!!!

anyway powerpuff girls here we come!!!!!!!!

xoxoxoxo

2008-10-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

LILLY JENSON
FRIDAY, 17TH OCTOBER 2008
17:40
LJ ON ... CLEVER PARENTS

Rebecca's hereeeee!! I'm so pleased! Although she's come with a hell of a lot of luggage! Mum, Dad and Corey drove over at noon, and I've just come back from us all having lunch and a good shop. Jesus we bought loads! Corey must have spent at least £2,000 on me, probably because he felt bad for what happened between him and Josh. He had already made up for it though, but knew I was upset with him. And as fickle as it sounds, he does know that I love a new handbag. And he bought me the most beautiful hangbag in the wholeeeee entireeeeeeee universe!!! Ahhh I get butterflies every time I look at it! It's a huuuge blue lambskin tote and ahh it's the most beautiful thing ever! I love it! I'm so spoilt, but can't complain really! Really cheered me up.

I made Camps very jealous with my brand new bag for about half an hour before we all went food shopping together and Dad got us in loads of food. Honestly, he transfers £1,500 to my account every month and then still insists on taking me food shopping; he did it like every month last term. But with Camps he worries that we don't eat; anyway we stocked up on loooads of good food, there's no bad food in sight, which made Camps feel a lot better.

Mum wouldn't stop asking me about Josh, and then Becca joined in too. And I don't know why but I told them that we were good... I just didn't want to go into the whole mess of things... but it was a big mistake because Mum said Dad was throwing another end of year party for Chic and she thinks I should bring Josh. I said he probably wouldn't want to come... and then Dad said he had already been in touch with Josh's parents and they would all love to come. I can't believe it, my parents sometimes!! I think Corey was the only one who clicked on and realised things weren't all that peachy, because he pulled me aside later in the kitchen and asked me if everything was okay. I explained everything and he said that by the look on my face, I really wanted to patch things up with him. And I know he's right.

And so I usually get excited about Dad's mag launch parties like months in advance and I should have known this was coming up but with everything that's happened I forgot all about it. And now it looks like I'm going to it and bringing Josh with me. I do love them, it's the industry I want to go into and absolutely everyone's going to be there, but argh. I'm guessing Josh wouldn't want to come with me.

I've got a few weeks to think about it - it's November 15th, and my parents know that we have reading week that week, so I can't say there's no way we can get down to London. And besides, Dad's already ordered dresses for me and Becca [who like always is trying to find a boyfriend before the day arrives]

However, I've only got a day to think about whether I'm going to 110's party. Argh.

2008-10-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

SUMMER FRANCIS-SMITH
FRIDAY, 17TH OCTOBER 2008
13:02
UNTITLED

Does anyone fancy crashing a fancy dress party?

I know I do...

xxx

2008-10-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

JOSH BAKER
FRIDAY, 17TH OCTOBER 2008
10:32
a good day...

I've got a feeling that today is going to be a good day. I'm gonna go to the fancy dress shop and get myself an outfit, then I'm gonna help buy loads of stuff ready for tomorrow's party. Got a lecture 2-5, then gonna probably stay in and have a few beers with the guys.

I'm pretty happy, had a great night with Lilly last night. Me, Lauren and Jordon went to the pub and saw her there already with that Owen guy again. Okay so that's not how you spell his name, I've been told, because he's Irish but anyway. So we went over and sat with them and things were pretty awkward from my side; all I saw was those two getting on really well and I felt a bit weird about it all. Anyway as soon as Lilly saw me a bit spaced out she came to join me at the bar and we had a really nice conversation.

She sat next to me when we sat down as well so it's obvious that she still does care about me. We had a great chat and I asked her to come to the party tomorrow, I don't know if she will though.

I ended up walking her home and I tried to be really confident but I think it was pretty obvious how I was feeling. She gave me a kiss on my cheek goodbye and I texted her saying night but didn't get a reply.

I'm feeling a lot more positive about us and think we can get on really well as friends first and foremost, and whatever happens after that well that'll be great. Hopefully she'll come to the party tomorrow and we'll get a chance to hang out and maybe I can win her round.

Smiles all round.

2008-10-21T18:32:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
FRIDAY, 17TH OCTOBER 2008
00:12
LJ ON ... GOOD FRIENDS

Just got in from pound a pint at the pub tonight, and I'm all smiles, I've had such a great day!! Coffee with Eoghain was great, it's really nice to have someone neutral to talk to who won't take sides and won't judge me. We just sat and talked for ages, me telling me everything that's happened and then him telling me about coming over from Ireland to study. Oh my God, he is oh-so-cute! He really is. I am really attracted to him but there's so many things going through my head that I can't really concentrate on another guy right now. I've not long been single from Jamie, and then what with everything that happened with Josh...

I didn't exactly tell Eoghain about me and Josh, because I didn't want things to be awkward when we all hung out together. I just said that we were friends, and mainly talked about Jamie and Summer.

I spotted Lauren whilst we were having coffee and her Josh and Jordon came over for a little while to chat. Josh looked really shy and I got butterflies in my stomach when I looked at him. He's completely gorgeous, and he really doesn't know it. I love that about him.

I tried so hard not to make things seem awkward between us, and I think I pulled it off pretty well. But when we went to the pub later on they joined us again and things seemed a bit quiet from Josh's end. It may have been because I was talking to Eoghain a lot, Josh may have felt pushed out. I was trying my hardest to involve him in the conversation, but he didn't really seem interested. I got him alone by the bar and asked him if everything was okay, and he said he was fine, just in a bit of pain with his ribs. I knew he was lying and found the situation between us really awkward, so I stayed at the bar with him for a bit and when we went to sit back down I let Camps shuffle over next to Eoghain and I sat next to Josh. We made small talk for a while, and Josh perked up a little bit. Our gaze held a bit longer than it should have a few times, and I could feel myself blushing but tried to get away with it.

Argh I don't know what to do. I like Josh so much. It's just so hard knowing what he did with Summer. If only he had told her where to shove it, honestly everything could have been working out so great for us right now. I'm really gutted about it, and I knew Camps could tell because she kept looking over.

Josh asked me if I was coming to the party on Saturday and I said I didn't know. He said he'd really like it if I was there, and maybe we could catch up because we haven't seen each other a lot. I'd like that, but I wouldn't want to put a dampener on his night.

Argh. Really don't know what to do.

Camps went straight off to Josh's house with Jordon and Eoghain only lives down the road from them, so Josh walked me home. We walked arm in arm... it was nice. When we got to my door I tried to act as normal as possible but I was really dying to kiss him. I think he was thinking the same, I could tell with the way he was looking at me. But after a bit of small talk I leant up and kissed his cheek and went straight inside, to save us any awkwardness.

I just got a text from him saying night, and want to text back but argh.
Argharghargh.

2008-10-21T18:19:00.001-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
THURSDAY, 16TH OCTOBER 2008
17:01
UNTITLED

not good at allllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!
oops!!!

looks like eoghain likes lil else he wouldnt have asked her to have coffee with him!!! i thought they looked a bit into each other on tuesday night!!!! i mean, i am happy for her but what about josh??????

shes just come home and i asked her what the deal with between her and eoghain and she said they were just friends and he surprised her when he rang her today and asked her out for coffee. i believe her, but then she was pulling on her wooly hat and changing her shoes into her boots and i asked her where she was going and she said she was going to the pub with eoghain!!!! so i dunno what thats all about!!! she told me not to give her one of my looks and i said i thought she was moving pretty quick, and she threw her boot at me. honestly im such a joker!!!!! hehe

i told her we were planning to go pub anyway and were going to ask her to come cos its quids night, and she told me to stop asking as though she was on a date, when we get there i gotta ring her and we're all gonna sit together.

anyway, so theyre friends, so what????????? you just need to tell josh that!!!

xoxoxoxo

2008-10-21T18:12:00.001-07:00

JOSH BAKER
THURSDAY, 16TH OCTOBER 2008
16:50
bummed...

I just went for lunch with Lauren and Jordon cos he's come back over to Sheffield for the weekend, and we spotted Lilly having coffee with that guy I saw her with on Tuesday. Even Lauren looked surprised and said she didn't think Lilly had any plans for today, which made me wonder why she was keeping it a secret from everyone. I felt really gutted to see them so comfortable laughing and chatting away together like they were the other night.

Anyway Lilly looked over and spotted Lauren, so we all went over and Lilly didn't seem awkward at all. She seemed really friendly; obviously she finds it a lot more effortless than me to act friendly... I felt really awkward stood there like an idiot. Lilly and Lauren were chatting away, and then Lilly laughed and blushed and said she was rude for not "introducing my friend..." to me and Jordon... she introduced her friend, who is called Owen, and who seems like a really nice guy. Which kinda makes everything worse... Well, the thing that really does make it worse is that he's obviously Irish cos he speaks with an Irish accent, and girls find that totally irresistable right?

So, we all got chatting away and Lilly looked at me a few times, and I swear I caught her with that look in her eye that she used to give me when we were out on dates together. But I dunno. She just seemed really friendly.

And I feel really shit. When we left, Lauren explained that she'd known Owen for ages, and I think she got a bit carried away as she told me he's such a nice guy and him and Lilly are getting on really well and blah blah yadda yadda. Jordon had to give her a not-so-discreet nudge to shut her up and she looked at me apologetically.

Oh, and to top it all off, when we walked past again an hour later they were still chatting away.

And Lauren said Lilly's not coming to the party. Probably because she's spending the night with her Irish loverboy.

I hate this jealousy bullshit.

2008-10-21T18:01:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
THURSDAY, 16TH OCTOBER 2008
12:20
LJ ON ... YAY!

My sis is coming over!! I'm so excited, I haven't seen her in ages because I've been busy here and she's been at drama school and ahh she's got the end of the week off and she's coming tomorrow for the whole weekend! Me and the girls have been cleaning up all morning and it's going to be fabulous!

I came up with the idea of having a little party here friday night, but the girls chirped up and said they wanted to save their energy and money for Vicar Road's fancy dress on Saturday night. Sigh. And whilst I was on speakphone to Becca the girls said seems as Becca's too young for us to take her out in town, why doesn't she come to the party on Saturday. And before I could interrupt, Rebecca said she'd love to, and got all excited about what she was going to dress up as. Sigh sigh sigh SIGH.

So now I seem like the totally miserable one who's refusing to go to the party. I don't know what to do about it, so I'm just going to forget about it until Saturday comes and then say I haven't got an outfit. And there's no way I'm going to be made to be a Powerpuff Girl. Na-da.

Camps has gone to see Jordon over at Josh's house now, and she asked if I wanted to go to lunch with them. I was tempted, but thought it was best not to. And then it seems like I made the right decision, because I got a call on the flat phone from Camps's friend Eoghain asking me if I wanted to meet him for coffee. I totally forget that I gave him my number when we were hanging out at the pub on Tuesday, and well I'm all ready to meet him at 1. And yes, he's totally delicious, and yes, he's Irish, and mega-mega-cute, but I'm so not going there.

I mean, I am going for coffee. But I'm not going THERE.

2008-10-21T17:48:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
WEDNESDAY, 15TH OCTOBER 2008
22:28
LJ ON ... REFUSING TO JOIN IN THE FUN

There is no possible, possible, possible way on this whole entire earth that I am going to Vicar Road's party on Saturday.

Na-da.
Not happening.

I can't go! It'll upset Josh if I go. He obviously had nothing to do with inviting me, because I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted me to come.

Oh and there's also no way I'm being put into a Powerpuff Girls' costume. The guys at 110 would really love that!! Heartbroken Lilly turns up in a bright pink costume with ginger hair. Put the soundtune on as we walk in...

It sounds like a great party, but I'm just not going, however much Lauren begs me.

Okay so she's just ran into my room, stole my sewing machine and then rang back out. I swear she's got the mental age of a 5 year old! She gets so excited. If she's planning on making me feel guilty by making me a PP girls costume then she's got another thing coming, because I'm stamping my feet on the ground... and not going!

2008-10-21T17:39:00.001-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
WEDNESDAY, 15TH OCTOBER 2008
19:47
UNTITLED

yayyyyyness someone has answered my prayers!!! actually, josh baker has!!! surprise surprise!!!

so anyway, hes having a party!!! and its going to be awesome, were going to dress up as the powerpuff girls! omg yes!!!

ok so lilly technically doesnt know were going yet i dont even think shes seen the invite but if its the last thing i do i am draggign her to this party!!!

which one am i going to be? i can buy a ginger wig? seems as both me and lil are blonde, we cant both be the blonde one!! ohhhhh i hope lils still got her sewing machine, we need to get making outfits right now!!!

and technically i should be doing some reading right now but this is soooo much more important!!! so exciting!!!!

jordon said he might go as mighty mouse, what a hottie!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

LOVE IT!!!
xoxoxoxo

2008-10-21T17:34:00.000-07:00

JOSH BAKER
WEDNESDAY, 15TH OCTOBER 2008
18:30
ps...

Ps - Yes I realise all I ever do on this blog is talk about Lilly Jenson.

2008-10-21T17:33:00.000-07:00

JOSH BAKER
WEDNESDAY, 15TH OCTOBER 2008
18:23
bored...

Pretty much been doing uni work all day. I'm so rubbish at knuckling down and getting it done so I forced myself to start it today, to help keep my mind off of things. Good news is Jordon's back tomorrow for the weekend, and the guys are thinking of throwing a party. They're thinking of having a superheroes theme, and went out to the fancy dress shop today to buy costumes. Phil's gonna be Superman, Ben Batman, Turner is the Hulk and Sam's gonna be Bananaman. They want me to be Robin but I duno if I even want to go, because they've sent an invite to 408 - yep, they've invited Lilly to the party.

Well Jordon wanted Lauren to go, and Sam fancies Hannah, Lilly's flatmate, so I understand they couldn't have invited them and not Lilly, especially as they all get on really well with her. But I'm gonna be stood there looking like a prick dressed as Robin, and she's just gonna laugh at me and think I'm really pathetic. Hardly the attire to try and make her fall in love with me in is it?

2008-10-20T17:33:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
WEDNESDAY, 15TH OCTOBER 2008
12:02
LJ MUST...

Must not think about Josh
Must do fashion story
Must eat
Must not think about Josh
Fashion story.
Fashion story.
Fashion story.
How about the jock style? Floppy hair, baggy jeans, jumper, converse.
?
...Must not think about Josh.

2008-10-20T17:16:00.001-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
WEDNESDAY, 15TH OCTOBER 2008
09:05
UNTITLED

oh and ps:// whos hosting the party this weekend???!!! flat 408 need a party to go to!!!!!
xoxoxoxo

2008-10-20T17:14:00.000-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
WEDNESDAY, 15TH OCTOBER 2008
09:01
UNTITLED

dammit i hate waking up early all of the time!!!!! its like my stomach grumbles and wakes me up and i cant get back to sleep and its like argh!

and another argh - josh is so jealous of the people lils hanging out with!!!! you should have seen his face last night!!! not good, not good at all!!!!!

anyway, even better news - about the wonderful *cough* wonderful sfs - shes planning something!!! ahhhh i love it when her bffs get a bit paranoid that theyre going to lose their status if they stick by her!!! so the next best thing to keep them in the loop is to tell me summers secrets!!!

ok so shes planning something to make lil fall, but hasnt come up with a plan yet!hang on a sec - summer doesnt have a plan???? shes losing it, peeps, losing it!!!

xoxoxoxo

2008-10-20T17:08:00.000-07:00

JOSH BAKER
WEDNESDAY, 15TH OCTOBER 2008
01:20
green eyed monster...

Okay so tonight I found out I'm pretty much not ok about what happened between me and Lilly. I went to the pub with the guys because it's pound a pint night, and straight away found myself looking for Lilly. And there she was, sitting in the corner with her legs folded under her, a glass of wine in her hand, deep in conversation with some uber cool guy I've seen Lauren hang out with a lot. He must be on her course. Anyway he and Lilly looked pretty snug, and it made me feel pretty shit.

I know I'm looking into it far too much but I hate it. Whether they're just friends or not is none of my business - nothing even really happened between us and she can date whoever she likes whenever she likes - but I should be that guy. He was really tall and broad with blonde hair - I'm sure I've seen him around before, he might be on the reserve rugby team.

I was so tempted to go over and say hey but I bumped into their friend Tammy at the bar and she said it probably wasn't wise, as Lilly was trying not to think about it. "Oh, and, before you say it, they're just friend. Just hanging out." Was I that obvious? I'm an idiot.

Me and the guys sat down to watch the footy and eventually Lilly looked over. She kind of gave me a little wave but then carried on with her conversation with this guy, laughing and joking with him.

I never ever get jealous as well, so I hate how it feels. I hate knowing that it's awkward between us. But I'm just gonna have to put up with it, aren't I?

2008-10-20T16:53:00.000-07:00

SUMMER FRANCIS-SMITH
TUESDAY, 14TH OCTOBER 2008
15:50
UNTITLED

I'm trying to come up with a master plan to regain control of everything but my mind is just blank!! Why is this not working out??

LJ needs to ruined, I just need her to slip up. I need her to hurt someone real bad.

But she pretends to be so fucking nice!!! I can't stand it; perfect little Jenson.
We'll see about that.

xxx

2008-10-20T16:49:00.001-07:00

LILLY CAMPBELL
TUESDAY, 14TH OCTOBER 2008
14:11
LJ ON ... A SORE HEAD

Why oh why do I do this to myself!! I can't believe I've only just got out of bed, drank myself stupid last night, fortunately wasn't ill and thankfully slept for a long time, but I missed this morning's lecture and I have to go in in an hour to make some bits for my dress. Need to get some breakfast but that's the last thing on my mind right now.

In fact I might just stay in bed all day. Or until forever. Or until graduation, when SFS is gone, never to be returned.

A blissful thought.

2008-10-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

LAUREN CAMBELL
TUESDAY, 14TH OCTOBER 2008
10:30
UNTITLED

i think lil really upset josh last night we went out on the town and for some reason i didnt get very drunk but lil was absolutely wasted and we bumped into josh in the park and lil told him obviously totally oblivious to who he was that he reminded her someone she liked loads
so now josh knows that lil does really like him but he screwed it up and so hes bound to feel even more awful about everything

i might go over and see if hes ok? i duno. i feel bad cos jordons back in cambridge and im sure josh is stuck inside by himself

i do have an essay to start though... and lil wants to go out tonight, burning the candle at both ends hmmm!

xoxoxo

2008-10-20T16:32:00.000-07:00

JOSH BAKER
TUESDAY, 14TH OCTOBER 2008
03:49
random...

Went out for a walk because I was really bored and the guys had gone out. I was going to join then, but knew I'd struggle and get pushed around etc and I need to try and get better as quickly as possible so that I can join the training squads again.

I was sitting on the bench in the park for what seemed like forever, and everyone was stumbling past in their drunken state. And then surprise surprise I saw Lilly and Lauren walking up the path. I didn't say anything, I just watched as they walked by and Lilly didn't look at me but Lauren did. She gave me a friendly smile and didn't seem half as drunk as Lilly was, who was pretty much being propped up by her best friend. Anyway, because Lauren looked at me she lost concentration on Lilly for a second and Lilly went to fall over just as they were passing me. I leaped up and caught her before she tripped, and she giggled and clung onto me before looking up at me, and telling me "you remind me of someone I know, someone I like very very much."

...

2008-10-20T16:22:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
MONDAY, 13TH OCTOBER 2008
23:00
LJ ON ... DO IT DO IT DO IT

I've had enough... I'm going out, and I'm dragging Camps out with me. I've moped around all day, thinking how much I've screwed up - 48 hours ago Josh and I were basically on the verge of being an item, and now I haven't heard anything from him and I feel awful. I feel bored. Sad.

But stuff it I don't have to stay in and be sad about anything, so I've just slipped on a dress and put on my make up, and we're going to hit the union!!

2008-10-18T17:05:00.002-07:00

THE INSIDER:

MEOW! I never knew Lilly still had it in her! Even through a broken heart her fire is back and I absolutely love it. Someone buy the girl a drink pronto, as I'm sure that's not all she's going to let rip...

2008-10-18T17:05:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
MONDAY, 13TH OCTOBER 2008
15:21
LJ ON ... A SMALL SMILE

Even after all this, after everything Camps, Josh and I have gone through over the past few weeks, it absolutely thrills me to know that now that it's all come to a standstill, everyone hates Summer.

Everyone.Hates.Summer.

They think she's a total and utter whoreface. There's not a word on campus about Josh and I; all the talk is about SFS and how she screwed her social status up, all by herself, with the help or absolutely no-one.

And it's always nice to get one over on the old bitch.

LJ

2008-10-18T17:02:00.000-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
MONDAY, 13TH OCTOBER 2008
13:40
UNTITLED

so jordon just rang me telling me how gutted josh is about whats happened between him and my lil.

so weve come to the conclusion that we should be matchmakers and try our hardest to get them together once and for all!!!!!

i dont think its a good idea right now, and it might really piss lilly on, but itll soooo be worth it in the end!

and all the thanks will go to super camps and super j!!!!

xoxoxoxo

2008-10-18T16:59:00.001-07:00

JOSH BAKER
MONDAY, 13TH OCTOBER 2008
08:23
yawn...

I hate these early Monday morning lectures.

I felt better after getting an early night last night. However, I was up thinking for a while and I've come to the decision that I'm going to leave it for a couple of weeks with Lilly and just be friendly when we bump into each other, yadda yadda.

However, after that I'm going to try my hardest to get her back. Crazy? No. Crazy about Lilly Jenson? Yes.

2008-10-18T16:56:00.001-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
MONDAY, 13TH OCTOBER 2008
03:18
UNTITLED

me and lil had a huge chat about everything last night and shes really gutted that it didnt work out with josh. she said she still wants to be friends but i dont know if that will be hard for him??? i personally think he'll try and be friends and i dont see any probs with us all hanging out together

theyre obv still going to see each other now theyre in the same friendship circle [kind of, duno whats going on with ollie atm] and what with her being my bff and josh being jordons brother, theyre gonna have to put up with a few awkward moments when we all go out together - which we will be doing!!!
no excuses allowed from lil!!!

xoxoxo

2008-10-18T16:49:00.000-07:00

OLIVER MOORE
SUNDAY, 12TH OCTOBER 2008
22:30
annoyed

I would usually be the one Lil turned to whenever she was in trouble or felt down. And now I'm reading her blog and seeing how upset she is about everything, and there's nothing I can do to make it better.

And that sucks.

2008-10-18T16:47:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
SUNDAY, 12TH OCTOBER 2008
19:09
LJ ON ...

Josh's Mum threw the perfect party. I loved it. In the end I decided to wear hardly any make up and just have my hair straight, to tone down the dress a little bit. And it seemed to work; Josh couldn't keep his eyes off of me. There were scores of girls there, and I was the only one he looked at.

Which is why I'm so stupid for cooling things off and telling him that we can't get back to how we were. I feel awful; the look on his face made me feel even more awful, and I felt even even more awful because I knew the effort he was going to to try and make things better. But I just can't do it - I look at him and after five seconds of smiling to myself and thinking 'that gorgeous guy can be mine' i suddenly stop and think 'no, he's Summer's, and he's always going to be.' Every time she wants him, she may be able to have him, and I can't live with that.

Everything was so perfect as well. Josh looked uber delish in a white shirt and dark jeans, with his trademark converse on. I liked the way he looked at me; I liked the way his hand fell naturally on the bottom of my back as he introduced me to everyone as 'Lilly', and I love the way he went to the effort to introduce me. I love the way I caught him grinning at his Mum when he thought I wasn't looking, and I loved the way he pulled me onto his lap when we were sat in the corner by ourselves, laced his fingers through mine and openly started a kissing session in front of anyone who was looking. I loved the way he hobbled around trying to look macho. And most of all I loved the taste of his kiss, and his squidgy lips, and how they felt on mine.

This is stupid.

But I just can't do it.

2008-10-18T16:38:00.001-07:00

SUMMER FRANCIS-SMITH
SUNDAY, 12TH OCTOBER 2008
17:49
UNTITLED

Awwwww, poor Joshy!!! By the look on his face when I bumped into him outside campus this morning, things didn't go too well with pretty little Jenson at his pretty little party!!!!

He literally bumped into me - ew, now that he's been tainted with that hussy - and when he realised whoo he had exactly bumped in to he gave me a little sad puppy eyed look.

I don't really get what his problem was, as I was actually doing him a favour by separating him from that skanky little b we like to call Jenson.

xxx

2008-10-18T16:35:00.001-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
SUNDAY, 12TH OCTOBER 2008
13:11
UNTITLED

were homeeee!!! the party was fabulous, god jordon is so scrummy!!! we had such a good night!!! lilly seemed to be having a really good night with josh too but i think she told him how she really feels cos she was really quiet on the way home this morning!

i think shes really upset but trying not to show it!!!! and ive changed my mind - after the way josh was with her last night i think they should be in love and together forever!!!

bit late now eh!!

xoxoxoxo

2008-10-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

JOSH BAKER
SUNDAY, 12TH OCTOBER 2008
10:05
gutted...

I can't believe how smoothly the party went last night. Mum and Dad made a huge effort with the bbq , and everyone had a pretty amazing night. Everyone got on great and all the family were there and Lilly looked absolutely stunningly beautiful, as always.

And then when we finally had alone time together in my room afterwards, just when I was about to tell her how sorry I was for everything and how much of an effort I was prepared to make to get things okay again, she told me that she felt we couldn't go back to how we were. No, she didn't even say that's what she felt. She just told me that we just couldn't go back. As in, it's not happening.

I'm really gutted. I never expected her to forgive me so I should have seen it coming but I was just too involved in making a damn effort to please her. And it was all worth it, really was, cos she looked so stunning last night with her blue dress and blonde hair and hardly any make up. She looked so effortlessly perfect, and if I hadn't have screwed up then last night probably would have been the night I would have asked her out again.

Something really great could have happened between us and I ruined that. I totally get that she wouldn't have been bothered if it had been any one else. It's just with it being Summer...
We had such a great night together, holed up in a corner away from the hustle and bustle. We were cuddling, laughing, and all the time I should have known that she was pretty quiet and uncomfortable not because she felt nervous but because she just couldn't do it.

I asked her if she trusted me. She said she did. I asked her to answer the question. She said if Summer ever does it again how hard would it be for me to resist her. I told her I would always be faithful. She said she couldn't count on that yet.

So that's a no then.

We didn't argue or anything, it was more of a sad conversation. I went outside to get some fresh air and when I got back Lilly was asleep in my chair, and she had been crying. I picked her up - shes so light these days - and put her into my bed before going back outside. Haven't slept much, and I don't really know what to say to Lilly this morning when I see her.

2008-10-17T18:00:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
SATURDAY, 11TH OCTOBER 2008
16:32
LJ ON ... NERVES

Me and Camps went dress shopping today and bought some gorgeous from Topshop, I'm in love with them both!! I've got down to a size 6 too, quite pleased with myself! So effortless!

So anyway I haven't given Josh a definite answer yet as to whether I'm going. And I still feel that I want to pull out, but know that I have to go. I'm driving, so I've got Camps relying on me and Tammy's coming so her as well. I do want to go just argh if I have a drink I'm probably going to end up telling Josh how I feel, and I don't want to ruin his party.

I'm also worried about the impression his family are going to have of me. I adore his brother and spoke to his Mum before but what if everyone starts talking about Summer? Or how much of an idiot my brother is? What if Josh has told them that it's all my fault?? And what if I look too tarty, or not dressed up enough? Argh.

2008-10-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

OLIVER MOORE
SATURDAY, 11TH OCTOBER 2008
12:02
BITTER

Josh is having a party, one that I haven't been invited to.

2008-10-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

LAUREN CAMPBELL
SATURDAY, 11TH OCTOBER
10:38
UNTITLED

were going to a parttttyyyyy!!!! and hopefully its gonna be less dramatic than the rest of them!!!!!!

im gonna try my hardest to look after lil i mean i know how upset she is with josh still even though shes going over to see him etc etc so hopefully he will really try and prove himself to her in front of his family and friends....

eeeeeeee i looooove parttttiiessss!! im guessing its lets-go-dress-shopping-time!!!!!!!!!!!!

xxoxoxo

2008-10-17T17:38:00.001-07:00

LILLY JENSON
FRIDAY, 10TH OCTOBER 2008
21:29
LJ ON ... TRYING TO FORGET

Josh called me earlier asking if I wanted to go round if I had nothing to do. I was really surprised that he asked, but he sounded in a really good mood and I found out when I got around there that it's because he got the place on the training squad. I'm really pleased for him, he deserves it.
Anyway, so when he opened the door Josh looked cuter than ever, really tired but really happy to see me. He was hobbling around and looked as though he was in lots of pain but he cooked dinner for us even though I offered. I tried to eat most of it, he's a really good cook, then we hung out in his room for a bit, just talking about things.

Argh I'm so annoyed with myself because he was trying really, really hard. He knew the situation and how upset I am about the whole Summer thing, and he's trying sooo hard but in my head every time I look at him all I can think about is him sleeping with Summer. It's been gnawing at me ever since I found out, and I'm so jealous about it, I can't stand the thought of them being in bed together.

I mean I know that we weren't even properly dating at the time, it was just that stupid week-long thing, him trying to cheer me up, and if he slept with anyone else I really really wouldn't mind, but Summer??? Didn't he realise what he was doing??? I was really hoping that something would work out with us, I really did. And that's my fault, because I shouldn't have pinned my hopes on it, but if something did work out how much would it have taken for him to sleep with her again? I mean we all know what she's like. So if she can seduct him so easily...
Argh. It's doing my head in. And I think he knows how I feel about it, I can see it when he looks at me.

He said he'd really like it if I came to Cambridge with him tomorrow for a celebration party at his house. I really, really want to, but there's just something holding me back. After our dates I thought he was the most trustworthy guy on the whole planet, now I'm not sure. I mean I still hardly know him, it's just the Summer thing really hurts.

2008-10-17T17:24:00.000-07:00

SUMMER FRANCIS SMITH
FRIDAY, 10TH OCTOBER 2008
18:57
UNTITLED

Why when I try to organise a party is there already one happening that everyone is going to? And why is it always hosted by one of the brady bunch?

Not happy!! Summer FS's parties are the best, why does no one see that?

2008-10-17T17:22:00.001-07:00

JOSH BAKER
FRIDAY, 10TH OCTOBER 2008
16:50
CELEBRATIONS...

If I could jump up and down and punch the air, I would. Really happy, just got a letter pushed through the door from the academy saying that after "careful reconsideration" yadda yadda, I got the place on the training scheme!! I'm so pleased, and so is my Dad, he wouldn't stop going on about how we're going to celebrate, even if his perception of Corey Jenson has changed [I quote].
I know it's down to my playing etc that got me the place but it's also pretty much down to Lilly for getting them to change their mind/go with their original decision/etc. I'm really chuffed.

So Dad's planned a small gathering tomorrow night back home to celebrate, so I'm gonna try and arrange a lift and get some of the guys down, it should be pretty good. I'm trying to pluck up the courage to go and ask Lilly, but I'm gonna hate it if she says no.