LILLY JENSON
SUNDAY, 21ST SEPTEMBER 2008
22:08
"LJ ON ... BEING STUPID"

Okay, so now that I've finally had time to sit down and think about things, my conclusion is that I'm an absolute moron.

So let's start with Josh's party. I didn't even know he was Josh. The uber-cute guy who smacked into me in the street, his name is Josh. And it was his birthday party that we went to last night. Oh, and he's Summer FS's boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend... whatever.

And it's clearly not his fault, cos he is the sweetest, coolest, [fittest] guy I have met in a long time. After the confusion of me not realising him and Ollie knew each other, we had a bit of a chat, well, I teased him a bit about giving me his number when he has/had a girlfriend, and he really was so perfectly gorgeous. I think he could tell I was a bit nervous, but he made me smile and his Mum made me smile. I ended up sitting next to him, in Summer's place I'm guessing, and after a few attempts to kick Camps under the table she finally ate some of her food and we had a really nice meal.

I got talking to a young lad at the party a bit later on and he told me he was Josh's brother. He's sixteen and sooo sweet, I love him! We talked for ages until Josh came over and thee was a bit of flirting going on when Mikey left. He's got the most gorgeous chocolate brown eyes ever, honestly. He's really tall and broad with dark, floppy hair and a great, great smile. If I wanted to date, I would so date him. And he seemed really keen to talk to me too, even if I was Summer's enemy. He told me how they're not really together any more, but he hasn't seen her to tell her since he's been back in Sheffield. Anyway so after a while he asked me to dance, and it's weird cos with Jamie and everything, I haven't even thought about dating/being with/looking at anyone else at all, but with Josh last night, and the time I bumped into him earlier in the week, I duno it's just different. He really made me smile last night, and didn't even mention Jamie, even sticking up for me and changing the conversation when other people badgered me about it.

And anyway, he asked me to dance, and I loved it. I'm 5'10", I swear he must be about 6'2". Oh and he's got really muscly arms! My downfall. God, why am I perving over him? He's Summer's ex boyfriend. If anything happened, people would think that's why I'm with me. Argh! Why am I contemplating something happening? It's not going to.

Anyway, going on on a tangent. The worst thing happened when we were dancing. Summer decided to make her entrance. She came waltzing in. With my ex boyfriend on her arm. And snogged his face off, right there on the friggin dancefloor right next to us. I was so upset. She really fucking got one over on me there. I'm still so sad about it, I know she stoops low but... God I was gutted. I felt Josh put his arm around me but I just had to get out of there. I didn't even stop to ask how he was about it, I just had to go. A bit of carnage followed, I heard Ollie and Josh and Jordon arguing with Jamie, but I was already by myself by then. After a while I heard Josh yelling and he was taking his anger out on a tree. I felt bad for him, and he came over and sat with me for a bit, apologising. None of it was his fault though. It's not his fault he's got a skanky ex-girlfriend. It was really nice having him sit there with me for a bit, but I looked like a right mess with all my make up all over the place from crying. He walked me back to my room, and was so sweet about it, giving me a big hug.

Ollie eventually came in and he was really drunk, and quite ignorant to what had happened before. And then he tried to kiss me, and me in my emotional state did something really stupid.

Thinking about it all now, I'm stupid to get caught up in Summer's boyfriend. And I'm stupid to cross the line with Ollie. It's just all stupid altogether. I shouldn't have gone to the party. And now people are going to talk talk talk.

So I guess Summer's won.

Labels: LILLY JENSON