THE GOSSIP
LILLY JENSONFRIDAY, 10TH OCTOBER 200821:29LJ ON ... TRYING TO FORGETJosh called me earlier asking if I wanted to go round if I had nothing to do. I was really surprised that he asked, but he sounded in a really good mood and I found out when I got around there that it's because he got the place on the training squad. I'm really pleased for him, he deserves it.
Anyway, so when he opened the door Josh looked cuter than ever, really tired but really happy to see me. He was hobbling around and looked as though he was in lots of pain but he cooked dinner for us even though I offered. I tried to eat most of it, he's a really good cook, then we hung out in his room for a bit, just talking about things.
Argh I'm so annoyed with myself because he was trying really, really hard. He knew the situation and how upset I am about the whole Summer thing, and he's trying sooo hard but in my head every time I look at him all I can think about is him sleeping with Summer. It's been gnawing at me ever since I found out, and I'm so jealous about it, I can't stand the thought of them being in bed together.
I mean I know that we weren't even properly dating at the time, it was just that stupid week-long thing, him trying to cheer me up, and if he slept with anyone else I really really wouldn't mind, but Summer??? Didn't he realise what he was doing??? I was really hoping that something would work out with us, I really did. And that's my fault, because I shouldn't have pinned my hopes on it, but if something did work out how much would it have taken for him to sleep with her again? I mean we all know what she's like. So if she can seduct him so easily...
Argh. It's doing my head in. And I think he knows how I feel about it, I can see it when he looks at me.
He said he'd really like it if I came to Cambridge with him tomorrow for a celebration party at his house. I really, really want to, but there's just something holding me back. After our dates I thought he was the most trustworthy guy on the whole planet, now I'm not sure. I mean I still hardly know him, it's just the Summer thing really hurts.
Labels: LILLY JENSON
