LILLY JENSON
SUNDAY, 14TH SEPTEMBER 2008
03:08
"LILLY ON ... LIFE"

Just got home from work, should really go to bed as I've got work again tomorrow morning but I just can't sleep....

I feel a bit sad about going back to Sheffield next week. In a way I can't wait to get there and sort out SJS, but at the same time I'm going to miss everything at home so much. At the start of my first summer of uni Dad and I made a deal that he would continue my allowance as long as I helped out in Mum's restaurant throughout the summer. And to be honest, I'm really going to miss it.

I'm also going to miss my attic bedroom, and I know I'm going to struggle even more this year to fit all of my belongings into that tiny dorm room. I'm going to miss my cats and dogs, and even my sister.

Camps came into work tonight and it seems as though she's had another rough day. We cooked her up some dinner but she didn't touch it, instead opting for the wine and getting rather drunk. I hate not having control of a situation sometimes and I just don't know what I can do to help her. I just wish Summer would fail/drop-out/marry a Prince so that we'd never have to see her face again around uni. Whenever Camps seems to be getting better, that Princess rears her ugly (well, quite beautiful) face and makes it all worse again.

Camps doesn't know if she wants to go on Saturday now. She thinks her dress makes her look fat (size 4, anyone?) and thinks that Jordon doesn't like her any more. And even if he does like her, she's scared of running into Summer, which is bound to happen because of her going out with Jordon's brother. Who's apparently rather lush too, Camps said, even if he is rude (hopefully to be sorted out Saturday)

My parents seemed surprised today when they asked why I hadn't asked Jamie to the party. I didn't really know what to say, apart from that it wasn't my place to bring a guest. They knew it was a pathetic excuse, and I think they know something's up. I know that Dad will be nice about it, he always tells me to follow my heart, and I know if I tell him I don't want to be with Jamie any more (I hate saying those words) then he will know I'm doing the right thing. Mum however is a different story. "Oh but he's perfect" "Future son-in-law" "Very good prospects - his father is a doctor" yadda yadda. It's going to be tough, but I will deal with it when I get to it.

I don't know what to expect from Summer on Saturday night. She'll most probably turn it into her own party. Or even kick us out. She might even start a fight and then blame us for gatecrashing and picking on her at her boyfriend's party. Poor bloke (except the mean part). I wonder what he's like.

So anyway I'm wondering whether to ask Jamie or not. I know though that I don't really want to, I just want to go by myself and get my head sorted without him clinging onto my head all of the time telling me casually that he loves me. But then again if I don't ask him and he finds out that I went without asking him, he'll be upset. I could lie and say it was just a last minute thing, although the brand spanking new expensive dress would give that away.

OH GOD! What if he's been invited? And he knows I'm going, and he's going, and he's waiting for me to ask him?! And then I don't invite him and turn up and he thinks I'm hiding something from him?

Oh God. I hate having a guilty conscience.

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